Last Sunday I attended @pete_cohen motivational web session and we talked about acceptance. Why is this so important? I mean isn’t the only person that has to accept you is really you? I so wish that were true. I am worry about what others think of me it drives me mad. Then of course my mind goes into overdrive as to what they might be thinking like I have ESP or something. This past week something happened and let me tell you it’s all about acceptance.
My husband folks live in England. They had yet to send any presents for us and my Son for Christmas. No big deal. His Mom then got sick in Jan so she didn’t have time. My hubby’s b-day was also in Jan and they missed that. So he was talking to them over the phone last weekend about getting an iTouch and he was saving his money. Low and behold by that afternoon he had a $300 gift card in his inbox to buy one. Which I think it’s great for him but wait?!? What about me?!? No big deal but come on your Grandson? Nothing not a card not an acknowledgement, nada. So of course this really hurt my feels and all week I have been kicking myself thinking “why don’t they like me” “are they ashamed of me because I am so fat” “they don’t love Cooper like they do their other grandchildren”
I could go on and on about all the negative things I have been saying. As I write this I am tearing up. Why is what they think about me so important. I mean they are thousands miles away, I never speak to them on the phone, they only call for him, and we can’t afford to visit. I honestly barely know these people. So why is this so important to me?
Why is it important to you to be accepted? Why do we beat ourselves up over something that we dont’ even know if it’s true. 9 out 10 times it probably isn’t and we are just dreaming up ways to beat ourselves up. So this week has been hard for me. I have turned to food at times. Know why? I know food loves me. I know food accepts me for who I am. Food doesn’t say mean things to me and it’s always at arms reach. I really need to work on this. Do I really know his parents don’t like me or my son?!? Heck no I don’t. Am I just dreaming it up?!? Probably. How do I stop this cycle?!? No a fricken clue!
Well, for what it’s worth, I love you.